Not taking the risk....

Few days ago, i supposed to take the risk. A risk that I immediately decided. I want it as soon as possible. I consult a friend and my mom. So it makes me more firm in my decision. I am ready to take a risk to pray for that matter - as soon as he tell me. I am decided to pray for it. I am willing to give him hope, I wanted to hear it.

but as we all know God is good. It always been like this. When I am grounded by His word, there comes temptation which I not fall (because of God). When I take it on my own hands and want to do the desire of myself then God will not allow it to happened. He makes things so hard for me, which eventually I will surrender to Him. He changes persons actions or He speak to persons to do what is right.

Few days ago, I was so irritated the fact that the man I like can't be a man enough to really pursue me or man enough to be firm in his actions. i am not asking him to court me, but just to say to me how special I am, that his praying for me. These words I didn't hear till sunday (the day of my ultimatum). But now, I thank God because I know, how He speaks to me, He speak also to him. I will miss the old times, the day that I used to be to him,. but today, starting today - I will no longer make him tell to me the words that for months I am waiting to hear. I will let God work in his life...and so do mine. I will let God work in my life. I thank God for letting me think of this risk all over again - He allowed me to realized that I am not yet mature enough and that I still have to pray for the guy He is preparing for me I might not yet meet him - hopefully soon - when I am ready.

For months now, the emotions subsided (really). I still thank God the day He broke my heart, the feelings subsided. Starting today, I will pursue Jesus more and more,. 59 days to go before my birthday - I only had one desire (un selfish desire ha) and I believe God will grant me that desire.... I believe (but friends, don't be surprise if it is not in the package that I wanted) but I believe and hope ... :)