Saturday, August 27, 2016

Into the Motherhood – Dependence and Security in GOD

I do love babies and kids. When I was still working at a hospital, I would always look at the babies in the nursery wondering “when will I have my own”. So when I get married in 2015 I am so excited to conceive, especially that I am already turning 30 by that time. I thought that was also in my husband’s mind since we already shared our thoughts about children when we are still engaged. To my surprised, he requested to have birth control, at least for several months to make sure that the baby will comes out later part of 2016.

It was so hard for me. I would give him medical terms on how would it affected me, I would tell him Bible verses, I am reasoning out – in short I am trying to manipulate the situation so I could change my husband’s decision. In the end, God spoke to me. “Submit to your husband, haven’t you asked him from Me.” Trust Me Clarisse, If I gave you my only Son Jesus Christ for your sin what more your heart desire to have a child. So, I submit to my husband and trust God that He has greater plan than my plan.

And it was December 12, 2015 that I found out that I am already pregnant. I was jumping with joy and having hiya kay God because I am being impatient and doubtful.

I am confident that I could have an easy pregnancy as other people would tell me “kaya mo yan” having a body that was physically active and hips that are wide. I planned not to gain that much weight and to at least continue to exercise that will be okay in a pregnant woman. I am looking forward to have a normal delivery and to breastfeed my baby.

Nothing in my plans happened. During my 1st trimester I encounter no problems, I just have a morning sickness once and nothing follows, thank God. I prayed and consciously kept myself be filled by the Holy Spirit rather ruled by the hormonal imbalance. But in the 2nd and 3rd trimester I encountered a lot of challenges, I was stressed out in my family, that I would cry and get mad. There were times that I felt that it was all me that wanting to have a baby. I felt that I was not a good mother everytime I got sick and need to take some medicines. I would felt so ugly and fat as I was not able to have a pregnancy exercise due to bed rest making me decide to be on leave in my discipleship group which makes me really sad. As I was just always at home, lying on bed.

But those times was so precious that I have several encounters with my Lord Jesus. As
Proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

I could really say that I am fully satisfies with Jesus as I have nothing and even as my body disappointed me. I became dependent on the Lord and appreciate the blessing He has given me. I hate to see that I wasn’t able to serve my husband and that he is doing the task I supposedly doing, my love for my husband grew and my gratefulness to the Lord never stop as I am thankful that he became my hands and my feet. I appreciate the loving environment that my husband set in our home. My husband always assured me that I am still beautiful and that everything will return after I gave birth. Even in the last few days before I gave birth he makes me feel that I am the most beautiful woman in his eyes. I also appreciate those people (close friends and not close) who gave encouraging words on my weight gain. They will always tell me that “bagay sayo ang buntis”.

During also in my pregnancy, I became closer to my mom, as I would always have to communicate with her. I also appreciate her because whenever I am stress out she will be the one to receive all my complaints and anger. I thank God for her not making patol for all my lashing out, because the next day I would be okey and we will be ok. I was also able to contemplate on how blessed I am for having a mom. As I experience what she has gone through, I appreciate my mom and all the mothers that I know. They are selfless as they always think of what would be the best for the baby in their womb. (e.g. for not drinking coffee, no to sweets, no to gimmicks with friends and to junk foods). I wonder why the bond of the mother and child break when the child grows up? (another topic). I was so sorry to God for the times when I am still a teenager and I would just shout and answer back to her. That I will try my best to continue to honor my mom and be a blessing to her.

Throughout all the circumstances good and bad, I thank and praise the Lord for them because I shared it all with my Lord and with the baby in my womb. I know that my bond with my baby started even she is still in my womb. As I would always talk to her, she witnessed all my crying nights and my victories. Together we sing praise and worship to God. She would obediently response in my womb every time I would get worried about her and tell her to give mommy some kick to assure me that she is just okay.

I praise God for the privilege of experiencing Him through my pregnancy and to people He sends me. Until the last day and delivery God taught me submission, patience and humility. My prayer before was my baby would be born on August so we have the same birth month, but I get impatient because I could As I reluctantly moved in to my parent’s home, I experienced God as I submit to my husband. I was able to bond with my family again, have my quiet time with God restored as there is no tv or internet. I was able also to enjoy my time with my husband as he took a leave and be with me in my waiting days. There were days that I am already discourage as I don't have yet labor pains, I already want to see my baby. And then August 8, evening, I was admitted due to spotting and I thought I will be able to take the labor pain, but the next day, I could no longer able to take the pain as I get closer to see my baby, so I was sent to delivery room, after 2 hrs of agony, my Dra.Ninang decided to have a CS procedure as the opening stop at 7cm. My baby Reese Caitlin comes out in this world via CS, August 9, 10:15am.To be continued.

Psalm 127:3

3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from Him.

Friday, September 18, 2015

100 Days

As a fan of Korean drama, I adapted their simplest and romantic way of showing love to their partner. It is also the reason why I made something for my boyfriend when we are on our 100th day as a couple. And yes, I will celebrate again our 100th day as husband and wife. :)
I don’t know if I am just optimistic, but as people asked me how is married life (take note they are the one who asked first),I would answer them with a big smile "Marriage is blessing" and I thank God for creating it. Actually, some of my friends I encourage to get married but of course in God's timing and God's best. :) And then people who asked me, they will make a comment like "ah kasi bago pa lang kayo". I don't know what they are going thru, but at the back of my head, my mind telling me "masama na bang magsabi ng totoo?" But I do understand where they are coming from.

In honesty, before I got married I was so discouraged by the people who are married that saying "sigurado ka na ba diyan" naku,humanda ka na" etc etc (same din si hubby) as if they are not enjoying their married life. Thank God, we were encourage by those who knows how to enjoy marriage.

Yes, maybe we were just 3 months married,100days together, We haven't experience what others do experienced but I could truly say that "Marriage is God's blessing". I am saying it not because we don't have problems I am saying it because I know Who created marriage it is "God". And knowing that God is perfect, that God is good, that God is loving, that God is patient, that God is generous, that God is almighty, that God is powerful, that God is kind, that God is forgiving,that God is good all the time. When say Marriage is a blessing, it is my way of praising God who created it. It is still all about God, it is not about how good my husband is or how submissive I am... It is all about HIM. It is all about how I experienced God's character thru our marriage. It is how God transforming me to be more like Christ.
Genesis 2:22-24
22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Even before na boyfriend and girlfriend pa lang kami, we make it a point not to put each other to be our number 1 source of joy kaya nadala na rin namin iyon in our marriage. Do my husband always makes me feel love? Do I always have a quiet spirit? Honestly, in humility my answer is "NO". But I never regret getting married and the more the days passing by the more I fall in love with my husband. (and if you can see me writing this, I am smiling right now). Thank God for marriage. Thank God for He is the true source of Joy and Love.

Our wedding day is God's reminder to me for the rest of my life that He is in control.That He give what is the best for me. It makes my relationship with Jesus rekindled everyday, how I met Jesus, how Jesus saves me. Who am I Lord? I am such a sinner, I made a lot of mistakes in my life, I said a lot of bad things, I am not good but still You chose me, Jesus died on the cross even if I am still a sinner (see Romans 5:8)Jesus saves me from the pit of hell. It is all by His grace that I've been saved and it is also by grace that I got married. I thank God that my husband loves me as Jesus do. Till now, he keeps improving and becoming more like Christ. Yes, I am more in love with him right now. And I am writing this post for me to be reminded how God works and how God shows His power in our life. I know life, marriage and people are not perfect and I need this kind of things to be reminded, to remind myself that no matter what life's imperfection is, I/we have the perfect God who is the Lord of lords.

Friday, June 26, 2015

The Wedding Suppliers

It was our first anniversary that my husband (now), boyfriend that time, proposed to me. We didn’t go out since we committed to join on a trip with my collage friends in the next day. I said yes, and during the trip, we talked about our wedding day.

First, we put an objective why we are getting married, planning the wedding day etc. So our objective was: To glorify God through our testimonies and show God’s love and grace thru our relationship. So, everything that we decided onwards revolves whether it will glorify God or just what we want. By this time, we are trying to see the big picture of our wedding day. Who we wanted to be there and the budget.

First, we pick the wedding date, so I let my husband decided what day, I suggest and agreed with him, consult the availability of our Pastor and finalized the wedding date.

After, we have a date. We check venues like, Feliza Jazz, Club Royale and The Cabanas. At first, we are thinking to have the same venue for the ceremony and reception, but as we realized that the ceremony should in our church so the solemnity of God’s word will be given (plus big discount for lay volunteers). We chose Cabanas pavilion since it is the biggest place (for the 300 guests) and it’s on the budget. Prep. Venue: Club Royale Resort, oh God blessed us that day, one room was upgraded without additional pay. Note: book early the venue especially if your wedding day falls on weekends.

The perks of having friends got married ahead of me, helped me a lot, what should do or don’t, aside from working under the best coordinators (DOSE of Celebrations by TMJ). Everything should be organized (which I am not, so I asked my maid of honor Jenna to help me start things, thanks sa form). By December, all lists that need to be accomplished were encoded and have time frame. I 'll be the one who will do the research for suppliers and Ronnel will be the final say. (trying to practice leadership and submission even before getting married)

RCL Catering Services – Tita Chona is the mother of one of our couple friend. I’ve tasted their food and know their services (sobrang bait nilang lahat). I let Ronnel also have taste test of their food and he likes it. And because we are a couple that don’t like hassle and bustle (but a hands on couple when it comes to detail) we get most of all suppliers with them. Para isang meeting na lang.
-Food (so deliscious and super dami but affordable)
- Lights and Sounds
-Bridal Car (brand new)
-Van Rental
-Flowers of Entourage (we requested to make it simple, use flowers that I like.
-Host and on the day coordinators. Eric (host) I think one of the best host located here at bulacan. He also give good suggestions on reception program.
Because my husband don’t want to make the people starve we add nachos (crossing malolos, they give discount for bulk purchase) and California maki (infront of Pasalubong center at Capitolyo, it taste so good for the price)

Cake from Yummybites and indeed it is a yummy cake. :)

Gown and entourage dress and tie – we bought it early January at Divisoria. It is an answered prayer. If my memory is correct my gown was purchased at 999 mall at the lower ground. I am looking for a ready to wear since one of my friend told me that her wedding gown was ready to wear and at only 2k. We found shop that will make the gown that I like but, I have to go back to divisoria for fitting (tamad lang) and it cost a little higher with the budget that we projected. That’s why we look for another store, and tada. I saw a longsleeve gown, I fitted it and Ronnel told it is beautiful so I said, okey, let’s buy this without any hesitation because my boyfriend said it is beautiful to me and it is what matter (I just removed the alambre that makes it look balloon and paper under the gown-kasi nga, I don’t want to be uncomfortable carrying my gown). And the bonus, it is on the projected budget a little higher with my friend’s gown. Lo and behold, (thank God, I got rewarded for my submission). My husband was so amazed as I walked down the aisle and not only him, but most of the people I know gave nice comment. I was like a princess. (The gown comes with accessories except, unity candle, candles and match but you can buy these at the Wedding Library)

Groom suit: No need to go to divisoria, at Calumpit crossing before the police station, there is a tailor shop. High class material but not expensive. Complete attire-Coat, vest,pants, white longsleeve, and bow tie.

For our entourage, on the projected budget (when I say projected budget, it is way, way,below in the usual budget) we bought the kind of dress I wanted (I google it) so simple yet classy and knowing that all the girls are beautiful they will surely be able to wear it like a model. Neck tie and bow tie for the men. And make sure that you are close with them, so you can ask them to dance on your wedding day. Thank you again.

For my Make- up: Ate Minnette, she’s my longtime friend and ate. What a blessing to have a make up artist friend (sya rin nag make up noong prenup pictorial).

Another blessing is to have Lola and Tita Irish for hair and make up. Lola flor did my hair. She, tita irish and tita jemima did all the hair and make up for the entourage, parents, and the rest of the people that is in the hotel. ¾ of the cost were been given as a gift so we just pay for a low low price. And just see how they did so well… Beautiful!

Invitation by JnR for our lovely invitation. Inspired by Rustic theme and yes, forget the seafoam, in the later preparation we don’t have anymore color motif, naging rustic theme wedding na.

Ring: ordered online. (Friend of one of my relative). We decided not to invest on it. We just wanted simple and the purpose of having it.

Photos and Video: We chose (I just found it on the internet, thru searching). Santiago Alfonso Fotografia. The blessing of booking it early (booked them on 3rd week of December) Got a discount rate and freebies. Ronnel and I like them because they don’t make major editing, all shots look natural and hindi matagal mag shoot.

Oh and lastly, plan your honeymoon ahead of time so you can book early and have some discount. Booked our hotel online January or February.

Other things can be bought at the mall.

I believe everything should always need to pray for. Ask God's wisdom for good decisions. Listen and observe from friends and other’s wedding experiences.

Did our wedding perfect? No, not at all, there are some flaws, but for us it doesn't matter because our objective was met - to give glory to God. We are so thankful and grateful to God and to all the people work so hard behind our prayed wedding. Thank you for saying yes to all our requests. :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

12 Months of Love

I never imagine that we will be celebrating a 1 year relationship, first because I never experienced it before and second, because I had a 3 month philosophy. Indeed, God has His own plan better than mine. (Thank God His will prevail)

Having a boyfriend - girlfriend relationship is not just about the two person falling in love for each other. It is a calling from God to give glory to His name. It is a commitment to love the person unconditionally and accept all his/her flaws. I and my boyfriend knew that we cannot let each other be the source of our joy, because we can exhaust or disappoint each other in some point. We both knew that our true source of joy is Jesus alone. Bonus na ang kilig moments. :)

I thank God for His grace. I thank God for my family and my friends who always been there for me. I wouldn't make it if it was not because of God and the people around me. I am a selfish person who taught by God to love sacrificially thru this love relationship. I got to understand more about

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

I thank God of course for my partner, if it wouldn't him, I couldn't imagine how I will love and be loved. And this one is for him.... :) Thank you my hubby loves for loving me unconditionally and for continuing to be the best...

12 Months of Love
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love is patient
God is love.
He is patient with us
to be whole before there's "WE".

Love is kind.
God is so kind,
that He knew I need one;
One guy whose heart is kind.

Love does not envy.
I don't need to compare us
because I am so satisfied
to have you in my life.

Love does not boast
It is not proud.
And posting picture in IG
once in awhile isn't bad.

Love is not rude
It is not self seeking.
Your so good to me.
You seek what's best for me.

Love is not easily angered
It keeps no records of wrong.
Your always so calm with me
And that's keeps us strong.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
There are ups and downs
but thank God we made it through.

Love always protects.
You make me feel secure
You treat me as God's daughter
Your protecting my promise to Him.

Love always trusts.
It gives benefit of the doubt.
It is supporting each others dream
Believing in each other's best version.

Love always hopes.
The best is yet to come.
With you everyday is special.
You are my dream come true.

Love always perseveres.
It never gives up on problems
It never gives up on circumstances
It never gives up on misunderstandings.

Love never fails.
As long as we are connected
Connected to Jesus Christ
The true source of love.

P.S. (I'm not an expert but learned a lot)
To guys and girls, don't ever feel bitter if hindi kayo nagustuhan ng gusto nyo, maybe it is not just the right time or the right person. Always trust God, He already prepared His best for you. the very best that you could not imagine. :)

Before pursuing a love relationship, ask yourself first:
1. Am I pursuing God as much I pursue a girl? Or Am I giving time to God as much a give time for a guy?
2. Am I treating my family as I treat him/her?
3. Am i ready for marriage?

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Two Boys and a Girl

I used to question God why He made me the oldest child in my family and have two brothers? Why not just He let me be the only child of my parents. Back then, when I still don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, I used to be jealous of them because i felt that "inagaw nila ang oras ng tao para sa akin" and I hated them for feeling they were the cause that I wasn't able to have all I want.

Thank God, August 18, 2001, I had an encountered with Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. That I am a sinner that I deserve hell. Little by little, God helped me and helping me to love my brothers the way Jesus loves me. God restored my relationship with them, it was never been a perfect one but thru God I learned not to be jealous and love them instead hating them. I must admit that I was not been a perfect sister for them. I hurt them physically, mentally and emotionally - I thank God that He is a God of second chances. They always extend grace and forgives me in my short comings, somehow, God enabled me to show them that I truly love them.

For today, I just want to appreciate my brothers, truly I am blessed. God made me realized that I don't need a sister because I already have many in our church (take note they are the best one that I could ever have. God put people in my life with purpose. God knew that I will grow up without a father by my side (my father works abroad), so I need brothers to give what a girl needs. My brothers provided me

1. Protection. They watch over me. They will be the one who will sit besides me if ever someone goes to our house.

2. Comfort. I don't know how many times these guys gives me comfort. They always knew whenever I am happy and sad. They always try to make me laugh when I am sad and encourage me and make me feel that I am the most pretty girl in the world (now you know why I am jealous just thinking that these two will have their own girlfriend in the future. And when I am happy, oh they are the one extremely happy for me, they always tease me - which make me more kilig. :)

3. Hugs and kisses. We are extremely physically sweet. :) Right now, I super duper appreciate that God made us like this. It give us an environment (i think for them also) to not put malice when it comes to opposite sex. My brothers giving me an environment to believe that there still existing men having no impure thoughts about women. Maybe people wouldn't believe, that it is impossible especially in a corrupt world, but for me, I will always trust the men that in my life right now and always believe in them - because these men, they are the one that God put in my life to show how truly bless and love I am.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Start Right or Start Over Again - Part 2

what if I didn't started it right? "Start Over Again"

1. Repent. Confess to God all the mistakes you committed.
John 1:9 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

He forgave me, God is faithful. God is waiting for you to come to Him.

2. Accept. Accept God's gift of eternal life and abundant life. It is not too late for you. He is willing to cleanse you and make you pure again.

He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed.1 Peter 2:24

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us - 1 John 3:16

3. Believe. Belive that you are as new, you can start it right.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!2 Corinthians 5:17

"Come now, let's settle this," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool. Isaiah 1:18

Starting over again is not as easy as it say, but all the struggle and all the effort are all worth it, Ginny, started to pick herself up and move on... and the ending - Paul Soriano appeared. This is my favorite part of the movie, why? For me, the ending shows hope. After, how desperately Ginny, chased Marco, all she has to do was to move on, live on and wait. That there is someone out there that God is preparing.

Let God write your lovestory. Let Him be your first love.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Start Right or Start Over Again - Part 1

"Starting Over Again" by Starcinema, earned P300M in 12 days. And I am one of those Filipinos who laugh, cry and fall in love while watching the movie. At the back of my mind I thought that "masyado naman binaba ni Ginny (played by Toni G.) ang pagkababae nya". I wanted to write my thoughts right then but busy schedule took place.

So what prompt me to write it now? I was encouraged by one of the blog I follow. He wrote a 3-part Manhood Lessons from "Starting Over Again""

Timely, it is a Women's month. Here are some lessons that might help ladies out there not to experience unnecessary pain like what Ginny experienced.

What to do? Start Right.

a. Wait. Wait for a guy to pursuit you. Wait on God's will and timing.

There is nothing wrong about admiration. We have feelings so we fall in love or admire a person. But, as girl (even we are in a modern society), we should not be the one courting a guy as what Ginny did. As Song of Solomon 8:4 says, Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

A wise person once told me, "You will never regret taking it too slow in relationships, but you will always regret going too fast." - Erin Davis.

b. Stop. Stop fantasizing that the person is perfect. No one is perfect not even one (Romans 3:10) It is what the Disney Princess thought us girls, that there is a Knight in Shining Armor or a Prince Charming that will save us. Ginny lost his admiration to Marco and leave him without any explanation. (I don't really agree with Ginny in this part, but movie is a movie, if she didn't leave, it ends the movie.)Maybe, what Ginny felt towards Marco was not true love. Because if it is, she will never leave Marco like that. Love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

c. Look. Look out. Be on alert. I am appealing to the ladies, especially to the younger generation "keep your purity". You have the last say on how you let man treat you. If we value and respect yourself, they will also.

Preserve yourself for holiness. The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.... Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. —1 Corinthians 6:13, 18

Preserve Yourself for Your Intended Spouse. Sex outside of God's will only brings hurt to you and others. God is saying, "My child, I have something beautiful and wonderful intended for you, if only you will follow my ways and stay pure, because sex the way I intended it is only truly enjoyable within marriage." He will NEVER withhold good from you, and if you trust God He'll lead you down the right path and take care of you.

Protect Your Future Marriage.
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. —Hebrews 13:4

(excerpt from

So your asking, what if I didn't started it right? "Start Over Again"