Into the Motherhood – Dependence and Security in GOD
I do love babies and kids. When I was still working at a hospital, I would always look at the babies in the nursery wondering “when will I have my own”. So when I get married in 2015 I am so excited to conceive, especially that I am already turning 30 by that time. I thought that was also in my husband’s mind since we already shared our thoughts about children when we are still engaged. To my surprised, he requested to have birth control, at least for several months to make sure that the baby will comes out later part of 2016.
It was so hard for me. I would give him medical terms on how would it affected me, I would tell him Bible verses, I am reasoning out – in short I am trying to manipulate the situation so I could change my husband’s decision. In the end, God spoke to me. “Submit to your husband, haven’t you asked him from Me.” Trust Me Clarisse, If I gave you my only Son Jesus Christ for your sin what more your heart desire to have a child. So, I submit to my husband and trust God that He has greater plan than my plan.
And it was December 12, 2015 that I found out that I am already pregnant. I was jumping with joy and having hiya kay God because I am being impatient and doubtful.
I am confident that I could have an easy pregnancy as other people would tell me “kaya mo yan” having a body that was physically active and hips that are wide. I planned not to gain that much weight and to at least continue to exercise that will be okay in a pregnant woman. I am looking forward to have a normal delivery and to breastfeed my baby.
Nothing in my plans happened. During my 1st trimester I encounter no problems, I just have a morning sickness once and nothing follows, thank God. I prayed and consciously kept myself be filled by the Holy Spirit rather ruled by the hormonal imbalance. But in the 2nd and 3rd trimester I encountered a lot of challenges, I was stressed out in my family, that I would cry and get mad. There were times that I felt that it was all me that wanting to have a baby. I felt that I was not a good mother everytime I got sick and need to take some medicines. I would felt so ugly and fat as I was not able to have a pregnancy exercise due to bed rest making me decide to be on leave in my discipleship group which makes me really sad. As I was just always at home, lying on bed.
But those times was so precious that I have several encounters with my Lord Jesus. As
Proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
I could really say that I am fully satisfies with Jesus as I have nothing and even as my body disappointed me. I became dependent on the Lord and appreciate the blessing He has given me. I hate to see that I wasn’t able to serve my husband and that he is doing the task I supposedly doing, my love for my husband grew and my gratefulness to the Lord never stop as I am thankful that he became my hands and my feet. I appreciate the loving environment that my husband set in our home. My husband always assured me that I am still beautiful and that everything will return after I gave birth. Even in the last few days before I gave birth he makes me feel that I am the most beautiful woman in his eyes. I also appreciate those people (close friends and not close) who gave encouraging words on my weight gain. They will always tell me that “bagay sayo ang buntis”.
During also in my pregnancy, I became closer to my mom, as I would always have to communicate with her. I also appreciate her because whenever I am stress out she will be the one to receive all my complaints and anger. I thank God for her not making patol for all my lashing out, because the next day I would be okey and we will be ok. I was also able to contemplate on how blessed I am for having a mom. As I experience what she has gone through, I appreciate my mom and all the mothers that I know. They are selfless as they always think of what would be the best for the baby in their womb. (e.g. for not drinking coffee, no to sweets, no to gimmicks with friends and to junk foods). I wonder why the bond of the mother and child break when the child grows up? (another topic). I was so sorry to God for the times when I am still a teenager and I would just shout and answer back to her. That I will try my best to continue to honor my mom and be a blessing to her.
Throughout all the circumstances good and bad, I thank and praise the Lord for them because I shared it all with my Lord and with the baby in my womb. I know that my bond with my baby started even she is still in my womb. As I would always talk to her, she witnessed all my crying nights and my victories. Together we sing praise and worship to God. She would obediently response in my womb every time I would get worried about her and tell her to give mommy some kick to assure me that she is just okay.
I praise God for the privilege of experiencing Him through my pregnancy and to people He sends me. Until the last day and delivery God taught me submission, patience and humility. My prayer before was my baby would be born on August so we have the same birth month, but I get impatient because I could As I reluctantly moved in to my parent’s home, I experienced God as I submit to my husband. I was able to bond with my family again, have my quiet time with God restored as there is no tv or internet. I was able also to enjoy my time with my husband as he took a leave and be with me in my waiting days. There were days that I am already discourage as I don't have yet labor pains, I already want to see my baby. And then August 8, evening, I was admitted due to spotting and I thought I will be able to take the labor pain, but the next day, I could no longer able to take the pain as I get closer to see my baby, so I was sent to delivery room, after 2 hrs of agony, my Dra.Ninang decided to have a CS procedure as the opening stop at 7cm. My baby Reese Caitlin comes out in this world via CS, August 9, 10:15am.To be continued.
Psalm 127:3
3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from Him.
It was so hard for me. I would give him medical terms on how would it affected me, I would tell him Bible verses, I am reasoning out – in short I am trying to manipulate the situation so I could change my husband’s decision. In the end, God spoke to me. “Submit to your husband, haven’t you asked him from Me.” Trust Me Clarisse, If I gave you my only Son Jesus Christ for your sin what more your heart desire to have a child. So, I submit to my husband and trust God that He has greater plan than my plan.
And it was December 12, 2015 that I found out that I am already pregnant. I was jumping with joy and having hiya kay God because I am being impatient and doubtful.
I am confident that I could have an easy pregnancy as other people would tell me “kaya mo yan” having a body that was physically active and hips that are wide. I planned not to gain that much weight and to at least continue to exercise that will be okay in a pregnant woman. I am looking forward to have a normal delivery and to breastfeed my baby.
Nothing in my plans happened. During my 1st trimester I encounter no problems, I just have a morning sickness once and nothing follows, thank God. I prayed and consciously kept myself be filled by the Holy Spirit rather ruled by the hormonal imbalance. But in the 2nd and 3rd trimester I encountered a lot of challenges, I was stressed out in my family, that I would cry and get mad. There were times that I felt that it was all me that wanting to have a baby. I felt that I was not a good mother everytime I got sick and need to take some medicines. I would felt so ugly and fat as I was not able to have a pregnancy exercise due to bed rest making me decide to be on leave in my discipleship group which makes me really sad. As I was just always at home, lying on bed.
But those times was so precious that I have several encounters with my Lord Jesus. As
Proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
I could really say that I am fully satisfies with Jesus as I have nothing and even as my body disappointed me. I became dependent on the Lord and appreciate the blessing He has given me. I hate to see that I wasn’t able to serve my husband and that he is doing the task I supposedly doing, my love for my husband grew and my gratefulness to the Lord never stop as I am thankful that he became my hands and my feet. I appreciate the loving environment that my husband set in our home. My husband always assured me that I am still beautiful and that everything will return after I gave birth. Even in the last few days before I gave birth he makes me feel that I am the most beautiful woman in his eyes. I also appreciate those people (close friends and not close) who gave encouraging words on my weight gain. They will always tell me that “bagay sayo ang buntis”.
During also in my pregnancy, I became closer to my mom, as I would always have to communicate with her. I also appreciate her because whenever I am stress out she will be the one to receive all my complaints and anger. I thank God for her not making patol for all my lashing out, because the next day I would be okey and we will be ok. I was also able to contemplate on how blessed I am for having a mom. As I experience what she has gone through, I appreciate my mom and all the mothers that I know. They are selfless as they always think of what would be the best for the baby in their womb. (e.g. for not drinking coffee, no to sweets, no to gimmicks with friends and to junk foods). I wonder why the bond of the mother and child break when the child grows up? (another topic). I was so sorry to God for the times when I am still a teenager and I would just shout and answer back to her. That I will try my best to continue to honor my mom and be a blessing to her.
Throughout all the circumstances good and bad, I thank and praise the Lord for them because I shared it all with my Lord and with the baby in my womb. I know that my bond with my baby started even she is still in my womb. As I would always talk to her, she witnessed all my crying nights and my victories. Together we sing praise and worship to God. She would obediently response in my womb every time I would get worried about her and tell her to give mommy some kick to assure me that she is just okay.
I praise God for the privilege of experiencing Him through my pregnancy and to people He sends me. Until the last day and delivery God taught me submission, patience and humility. My prayer before was my baby would be born on August so we have the same birth month, but I get impatient because I could As I reluctantly moved in to my parent’s home, I experienced God as I submit to my husband. I was able to bond with my family again, have my quiet time with God restored as there is no tv or internet. I was able also to enjoy my time with my husband as he took a leave and be with me in my waiting days. There were days that I am already discourage as I don't have yet labor pains, I already want to see my baby. And then August 8, evening, I was admitted due to spotting and I thought I will be able to take the labor pain, but the next day, I could no longer able to take the pain as I get closer to see my baby, so I was sent to delivery room, after 2 hrs of agony, my Dra.Ninang decided to have a CS procedure as the opening stop at 7cm. My baby Reese Caitlin comes out in this world via CS, August 9, 10:15am.To be continued.
Psalm 127:3
3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from Him.
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