When My Mess becomes my Message
Yesterday, God gave me an opportunity to give my testimony to 180 high school and college students. Yes, indeed it was a privilege and it is only by God's grace that I could share a piece of my life. I am a sinner who saved by Jesus Christ. Only God can turn a mess into a message.
'Hi, ako si Ate Clarisse, a Jzoner, alumni ng youth bible study. As servant of Jesus Christ, I desire to give glory to His name. Pangarap kong magtestimony ng lovestory ko para sa Kanya. Kaya naman, sa puso ko, natanim na na maghihintay ako sa best ni God na guy para sa akin. Na si God ang magsusulat ng lovestory ko.
Noong nakatanggap ako ng scholarship para makapag-aral ng college, focus ako sa pag-aaral , nanatili akong isang mag-aaral, sabi nga ni God sa Bible,
“1 Corinthians 7:26 (NIRV)
26 Times are hard for you right now. So I think it’s good for you to stay as you are.
Kapag may nanliligaw, accountable ako kay Jesus at sa mga ka-dgroup ko. I am so firm to really wait for God’s best. Kaya naman, even when I am about to graduate and approved ng parents ko at christian iyong guy, I didn't enter in to a relationship with him.
After a year and half, nakita ko sarili ko na I’m serving God at the same time earning money, nasabi ko tuloy sa sarili ko “boyfriend na lang ang kulang”. I thought, I am firmly waiting on the Lord, but deep in my heart “may kulang” hindi ako kuntento kung anong meron ako, sa heart ko, having a boyfriend will complete me. So I longed to have one.
Kaya naman, kapag meron nagpaparamdam na may gusto sa akin or manliligaw, I will be completely available and will entertain them, even if they dont share the same beliefs that I had. But God will always convict me through His word in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIRV)
14 Do not be joined to unbelievers. What do right and wrong have in common? Can light and darkness be friends?
Humingi ako ng sorry kay God for not fully obeying His word and for just pretending to look good to other people, masabi lang na mabuti akong example in waiting. I prayed to God na tulungan Niya akong mag-obey sa kanyang salita at talagang maghintay. I experienced Him once again sa ministry and this time I am more focused sa kanya. I became more accountable to my disciples, kaya naman when I thought I found the one, I asked them to pray for it and I always update them.
Akala ko ang nabubuong pag-kakaibigan ay mauuwi sa pag-iibigan, hindi pala, July 2012 ng biglang nawawala ang komunikasyon ko sa akala kong God’s best ko na. August of that year was the saddest birthday that I had, I was really crying to God. Nilabas ko talaga ang nasa puso ko kay God, bakit? Am I not worthy? Am I not beautiful? Am I not enough? Nag-enroll na nga ako sa Masteral para bumagay sa kanya, sa pamilya nya. Ano God, wala ba talaga? Oo, desperada na nga siguro ako ng time na iyon, my heart was broken for real. I never cried before like I cried during that time. Hindi lang dahil hindi ako niligawan nung guy, umiiyak ako dahil for the nth time, hindi ko sinunod si God.
I assumed na gusto ako ng guy without him telling me. I decided on things like enrolling sa masteral, pag luwas para magkita kami and most of the time texting him first. Hindi ako nakinig sa mga godly advice at sa salita ng Diyos, na kung ano iyong design Niya para sa role ng babae at lalaki. Hindi ako nakapaghintay.
September of the same year, nagkaroon ng Love series dito sa CCF at sa isang topic doon nagkaroon ng 1 yr commitment to be single, not to go out exclusively and not to enter relationship. I even commit not to invest time sa text or chat and not to really assume. So, I lift up my commitments to God along with my disciples. And this time, I am really serious about it. Alam kong hindi ko kaya iyon mag-isa so I always pray to God to help me, I ask my accountability partner and my dgroup mates to look after me also.
Ibinigay ko ang oras ko kay God sa quiettime, reading the bible and praying. Serving Him through youth and singles ministry. I focused my energy and time also to my family, this time sacrificial and genuine love na ang ipinakita ko sa kanila, na kahit hindi ako in-love eh tutulong ako sa mga gawaing bahay at hindi ako magsusungit sa mga kapatid ko. During those time also, tuluyan ko ng napagtagumpayan sa tulong ni God ang hindi pagsagot sa aking magulang at to really honor them, keeping in mind to always put a smile on their face. Ang dami ko din oras to meet my dgroup members individually for our accountability. My dgroupmates also gave me tips and helped me improved myself as an individual. Sa mga panahong din ito tinulungan ako ni God to see guys as my brothers in Christ, to be more approachable and be friends with them without assuming at all. Binawasan ko ang panonood ng mga koreanovelas or lovestory na drama series. Everytime na I will think na possible GB ang isang guy, I will memorize verses para maiwasan ang mga vain imagination. Kaya naman kapag may lakad kaming mga singles, I enjoy my fellowship to all dahil wala akong particular na person na kailangan kausapin. I can boldy share my vision and excitement about ministry. Nakatulong din ng malaki na those guys see me also as their sister in Christ, they never misled me with their actions and motives. Masasabi ko sa sarili ko na masaya ako at kuntento sa aking relasyon kay Jesus, ang aking Panginoon at tagapagligtas. Kung wala man darating, okey lang “willing to wait”. As Song of Solomon 3:5 (NLT)
5 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles and wild deer,
not to awaken love until the time is right.
And I am thankful to God that He loves me so much to discipline and help me to really wait – truly wait. As He said in
Lamentations 3:25 ESV
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
I thank God for teaching me to wait and obey. Today He has led me to be in a relationship with a person who loves God also. God prepared me that even though I am in a relationship now i have kept my priorities straight. He enabled me to stick with the right priorities. I am enjoying this season of my life, growing in my faith and love for the Lord. Indeed He gives His best in His perfect time. God’s timing is always perfect and it’s always worth the wait.
To God be the glory.
'Hi, ako si Ate Clarisse, a Jzoner, alumni ng youth bible study. As servant of Jesus Christ, I desire to give glory to His name. Pangarap kong magtestimony ng lovestory ko para sa Kanya. Kaya naman, sa puso ko, natanim na na maghihintay ako sa best ni God na guy para sa akin. Na si God ang magsusulat ng lovestory ko.
Noong nakatanggap ako ng scholarship para makapag-aral ng college, focus ako sa pag-aaral , nanatili akong isang mag-aaral, sabi nga ni God sa Bible,
“1 Corinthians 7:26 (NIRV)
26 Times are hard for you right now. So I think it’s good for you to stay as you are.
Kapag may nanliligaw, accountable ako kay Jesus at sa mga ka-dgroup ko. I am so firm to really wait for God’s best. Kaya naman, even when I am about to graduate and approved ng parents ko at christian iyong guy, I didn't enter in to a relationship with him.
After a year and half, nakita ko sarili ko na I’m serving God at the same time earning money, nasabi ko tuloy sa sarili ko “boyfriend na lang ang kulang”. I thought, I am firmly waiting on the Lord, but deep in my heart “may kulang” hindi ako kuntento kung anong meron ako, sa heart ko, having a boyfriend will complete me. So I longed to have one.
Kaya naman, kapag meron nagpaparamdam na may gusto sa akin or manliligaw, I will be completely available and will entertain them, even if they dont share the same beliefs that I had. But God will always convict me through His word in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIRV)
14 Do not be joined to unbelievers. What do right and wrong have in common? Can light and darkness be friends?
Humingi ako ng sorry kay God for not fully obeying His word and for just pretending to look good to other people, masabi lang na mabuti akong example in waiting. I prayed to God na tulungan Niya akong mag-obey sa kanyang salita at talagang maghintay. I experienced Him once again sa ministry and this time I am more focused sa kanya. I became more accountable to my disciples, kaya naman when I thought I found the one, I asked them to pray for it and I always update them.
Akala ko ang nabubuong pag-kakaibigan ay mauuwi sa pag-iibigan, hindi pala, July 2012 ng biglang nawawala ang komunikasyon ko sa akala kong God’s best ko na. August of that year was the saddest birthday that I had, I was really crying to God. Nilabas ko talaga ang nasa puso ko kay God, bakit? Am I not worthy? Am I not beautiful? Am I not enough? Nag-enroll na nga ako sa Masteral para bumagay sa kanya, sa pamilya nya. Ano God, wala ba talaga? Oo, desperada na nga siguro ako ng time na iyon, my heart was broken for real. I never cried before like I cried during that time. Hindi lang dahil hindi ako niligawan nung guy, umiiyak ako dahil for the nth time, hindi ko sinunod si God.
I assumed na gusto ako ng guy without him telling me. I decided on things like enrolling sa masteral, pag luwas para magkita kami and most of the time texting him first. Hindi ako nakinig sa mga godly advice at sa salita ng Diyos, na kung ano iyong design Niya para sa role ng babae at lalaki. Hindi ako nakapaghintay.
September of the same year, nagkaroon ng Love series dito sa CCF at sa isang topic doon nagkaroon ng 1 yr commitment to be single, not to go out exclusively and not to enter relationship. I even commit not to invest time sa text or chat and not to really assume. So, I lift up my commitments to God along with my disciples. And this time, I am really serious about it. Alam kong hindi ko kaya iyon mag-isa so I always pray to God to help me, I ask my accountability partner and my dgroup mates to look after me also.
Ibinigay ko ang oras ko kay God sa quiettime, reading the bible and praying. Serving Him through youth and singles ministry. I focused my energy and time also to my family, this time sacrificial and genuine love na ang ipinakita ko sa kanila, na kahit hindi ako in-love eh tutulong ako sa mga gawaing bahay at hindi ako magsusungit sa mga kapatid ko. During those time also, tuluyan ko ng napagtagumpayan sa tulong ni God ang hindi pagsagot sa aking magulang at to really honor them, keeping in mind to always put a smile on their face. Ang dami ko din oras to meet my dgroup members individually for our accountability. My dgroupmates also gave me tips and helped me improved myself as an individual. Sa mga panahong din ito tinulungan ako ni God to see guys as my brothers in Christ, to be more approachable and be friends with them without assuming at all. Binawasan ko ang panonood ng mga koreanovelas or lovestory na drama series. Everytime na I will think na possible GB ang isang guy, I will memorize verses para maiwasan ang mga vain imagination. Kaya naman kapag may lakad kaming mga singles, I enjoy my fellowship to all dahil wala akong particular na person na kailangan kausapin. I can boldy share my vision and excitement about ministry. Nakatulong din ng malaki na those guys see me also as their sister in Christ, they never misled me with their actions and motives. Masasabi ko sa sarili ko na masaya ako at kuntento sa aking relasyon kay Jesus, ang aking Panginoon at tagapagligtas. Kung wala man darating, okey lang “willing to wait”. As Song of Solomon 3:5 (NLT)
5 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles and wild deer,
not to awaken love until the time is right.
And I am thankful to God that He loves me so much to discipline and help me to really wait – truly wait. As He said in
Lamentations 3:25 ESV
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
I thank God for teaching me to wait and obey. Today He has led me to be in a relationship with a person who loves God also. God prepared me that even though I am in a relationship now i have kept my priorities straight. He enabled me to stick with the right priorities. I am enjoying this season of my life, growing in my faith and love for the Lord. Indeed He gives His best in His perfect time. God’s timing is always perfect and it’s always worth the wait.
To God be the glory.
Comments